Good Job Mom

My dear friend realized a lifelong dream when she married a lovely guy about six years ago, and became a step-mother to his son and daughter. They were eight and seven at the time. Two little precocious, blond-haired, blue-eyed cherubs.

I’ve known Edwina since we were students at Penn State. Her name was discipline, whereas I… well, that’s another story. Suffice to say that she didn’t cut classes  or skip assignments in favor of sitting around East Halls yacking and straightening her hair. Later she completed a course I dropped out of, and became an official court reporter. That takes Olympian discipline.

She credited her father for her approach to work and study. Edwin worked hard and saved hard, knowing he’d fall victim to arthritis early. He ruled absolutely in their home. He brooked no laziness, excuses, or bragging. He taught his family to work hard and suck up the complaints.  Edwin demanded excellence.

Edwina and I often discussed current trends in pedagogy when I taught. We disdained the “self-esteem” movement, in which students were made to feel proud whether they achieved or not. The anthem in schools and at home became, “Good Job!” Even if the job stunk.

In graduate school for education, I learned that children who are praised for being “smart” are unlikely to persist in solving a problem if they can’t get it right the first time. I wished my mother had said, “I’m glad you didn’t give up,” instead of, “You’re so smart!”

I think my friend has a smidgen of Tiger Mother in her. The original Tiger Mother, Amy Chua, is a Chinese American mother, writer and professor at Yale whose theory of child raising has raised some parental hackles.

Basically, Amy thinks that Chinese parenting, which is strict, surpasses  lax American parenting, and has said so in a piece in the Wall Street Journal, “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior.” Okay, she does things our kids might sue us for, but hey, the results are stupendous!

Edwina isn’t a Tiger Mother, nor is she a “Good job!” mom, but she knows that kids often don’t want to work, and don’t always make the decisions that will help them get where they want to go in life, so she pushes them.  She wants to see them ride their many accomplishments into a happy, well-balanced life.

James, Kate, Edwina and Arthur, February 2006

They’re both members of the prestigious Reading Symphony Junior String Orchestra and they play first violin with the Wyomissing High School Orchestra. James is first chair in the Wyomissing Junior High Orchestra. Kate sings with the highly-regarded Berks Classical Children’s Chorus. To prove they’re well-rounded, Kate is a member of student council and plays field hockey, and James plays chess.

Oh, and their dad, Arthur, said,  “Don’t forget to mention they’re straight A students, with all accelerated classes,” when he found out I was writing about them. He should have a say, I guess, what with the gene contribution…

Do they complain about all of the work they have to do, all of the sacrifices they have to make? You bet. Will they look back one day and be grateful that they were pushed? I hope so.

By the way, unlike Amy Chua’s children, Kate goes to sleepovers.